NBA Fantasy Basketball - Lockout addition

Right now I would be knee deep into my first week of fantasy basketball. Instead of wondering if any of my late round sleeper picks would make I have to hear how millionaires and billionaires are squabbling over 97 millions dollars split between all the players and owners. In these times of economic certainty you wonder if anyone cares about the fans any more.

One thing I don't get is the player representation why not leave it up to professionals to handle the deals? Derek Fisher doesn't have a law degree and even if he did he doesn't practice law or union contracts. Why not leave it up to Billy Hunter to do the real work. At least he has a law degree. I hope the NBA loses fans over this, both sides look like jackasses. I might have to switch my favorite sport to watch to mls.

Jose Lima Memorial Week 22 Power Rankings

With 22 weeks gone in the season, I couldn't think of a better time to unveil the inaugural power rankings. This has been a season with relatively even talent distribution, and by my estimation, six teams with enough firepower to take home the grand prize. Lets jump into the rankings:

1) NEFERTITI: Indians acquire Brandon Phillips, Cliff Lee, Grady Sizemore from the Expos in exchange for Bartolo Colon. This is the type of lopsided trade that pops into mind when you think of the two heists Nefertiti has pulled off. They put the slow start behind them and haven’t looked back, going 7-3 since the deals revamped the roster.

2) CACH: Sporting a murderers row of bats, can CACH win a championship with a pitching staff as mediocre as the Chicago White Sox?

3) THE SWEATYKNUCKLESBALLS: Everyone knows the age old adage: Defense and pitching win championships. Defense is of no use to us, but a good pitching staff is arguably the difference between contender and pretender. Even with a mediocre, revolving door of castoffs (Pujols excluded), the Knuckleballs continue to edge the opposition behind the strength of the Braves pitching.

4) CARL EVERETT: Matt Kemp and Curtis Granderson. The two highest individual point totals. Do we need elaboration?

5) COMMIE CAUSERS: With half of the Commies consisting of Milwaukie Brewers, this team ebbs and flows match that of the MLB Club. The Brewers are hot right now, and not surprisingly, so are the Commies.

6) FUZZ NUTS: Hambone, Jose Bautista, and Ellsbury lead this snakebitten group. Having the 4^th highest amount of team points, FuzzNuts also has the 4^th worst record in the league. Still only 13 points back in the wild card, the Nuts won’t quit till the fat lady sings.

7) WIZARDS OF AHHS: Inconsistency and injuries have derailed what was once a promising campaign. Basically out of the race for a division championship, the Ahhhs have some serious work to do if they wish to make up a 98 point deficit to Nefertiti in the wild card.

8) SF GIANTS: KINGS OF MLB: A solid cast of guys. Problem is half of them occupy the dugout during the fantasy week. As commissioner, I am very disappointed in you Arny.

9) SEATTLE BADGERS: There are miracles, and then there is the Seattle Badgers sitting two games out of first. How did we get to this point?? Combine the worst team name by a mile with a pathetic crew (Votto excluded), and it adds up to the commish having a personal vendetta. Just think David Stern and Seattle. Your days are numbered Badgers…

10) SMOAK ON THIS: When healthy, Smoaky can do some damage. Besides a few weeks of the season, that never happened.

11) SHMEDVIG: Although trying to be the worst team by trading away any professional talent for cents on the dollar….they’re not dead last.

12) SET BONDS FREE: In week 12, a ruthless pillow fight was had for the right to dwell in the depths of Jose Lima’s grave. Shmedvig narrowly beat Bonds 204-203. Although the BCS wouldn’t agree, head to head matchups matter. One lopsided trade and a continued negligence of Andre Either has landed Bonds B. Free in this coveted spot. Congrats!

Jose Lima Memorial

Week 20 Updates and Awards

A very smooth transition from Jimmy Hennessy to Chris Daschel as League Commissioner has lead to one of the most interesting fantasy baseball leagues in recent memory. Where a team SHMEDVIG has given up on the season and seemingly given up all of his quality players for literally nothing, not even future considerations. The beneficiaries of this collapse of management have been Nefertiti, Wizards of Ahhs, and the Commie Causers . Although all three are are out of first place.

Standings (As of 8/14/2011)

East
Carl Everett 13-5
CACH 12-6
Wizards of Ahhhs 10-8
Seattle Badgers 10-8
Nefertiti 9-9
Smoak on This 5-13

West
The Sweatyknuckleballs 12-6
SF Giants: Kings of MLB 9-9
FuzzNuts 8-10
Commie Causers 8-10
Set Bonds Free 7-11
SHMEDVIG 5-13


Early Season Awards

The Brendan Fraser Award for Giving Up on a Good Team: SHMEDVIG
Traded all his good players for nothing not even for future draft picks.


Doc Rivers Award for Falling Into the Right situation: TheSweatyKuckleBalls
Who knew the pitching staff of the Atlanta Braves and an outfield of Kansas City Royals would lead him to a first place position in the Western Division standings.

Urban Shocker Award for Best Fantasy Name: Cach
So simple yet so effective, like condoms.

Yuniesky Betancourt Round-Up (Vol. 1)

As Week 8 comes to a close, it appears that this year's inaugural edition of Yuniesky Betancourt Round-Up is a bit overdue. 2010 seems to already be a bit more competitive than 2009, and I'm not just saying this because my team has already eclipsed its win total from last year. Think what you will.

As there was no Introductory briefing, I will also take this opportunity to introduce each team and its manager.

East Division

Sir Tinley the Great (Danny) 4-3
Khaki Robinson (Jimmy- Commissioner) 4-3
Nafletes (Dusty) 4-3
Time to Mo Vaughn (Patrick) 3-4
Kinsler's List (I actually have no idea who this is, but we have collaborated on some good trades) 3-4
Rodriguez Roiders (Arny) 1-6

West Division

Gutless Arny (Cach) 5-2
Pumping Gas for Cach (Burke) 5-2
Waiting for Fairley (O'Brien) 5-2
We Were Promised Jet Packs (Daschel) 5-2
Ichiroooo (Lowry) 2-5
Sponsors Needed (Wirth) 1-6

Early Season Awards:

Lamar Odom Award for Wasted Talent: Sponsors Needed.
In almost every aspect, Sponsors Needed has performed like a quality franchise. Except in the standings, however, which coincidentally are the most important. Sponsors is in the points hunt but has only managed to win a one matchup and currently sits in dead last of the West Division. Hats off to you for hanging in there, sometimes this sort of stuff just happens.

Bob Whitsitt Award for Worst Trade of the Year: Khaki Robinson.
Alex Gonzalez was off to a great start, so what did Khaki do? Traded for (what was conceived to be a great pickup at the time) Carlos Pena. Unfortunately, Carlos Pena only collected a total of 2 hits (2 HITS!!!) within the first four weeks of his tenure for Khaki Robinson and, to make matters worse, was outplayed by Lance Berkman, the first baseman Pena was originally intended to replace.

Neil Collins Award for Least Efficient Use of Bench Space: Gutless Arny.
Carlos Delgado's career has been deemed unsalvageable by all 30 MLB teams after an injury ridden 2009 campaign. Consequently he has yet to prove that he is worthy of a big league roster spot in 2010. Apparently he proved himself worthy for Gutless Arny however. Gutless held on to the aging slugger until week 6 despite Delgado's not having played a single game. Week 6 people. To give Gutless the benefit of the doubt, maybe he assumed that having an open calendar was a point category in this league? Gutless Arny finally parted ways with the aging slugger, but you still have to wonder why it took so long. Who's next Gutless, Babe Ruth?

I will end this column with the admission of two truths, both of which I am completely aware of: Not everyone in this league even remembers their password, and of those who do, few, if any, will read this round-up. To that I will say that this column is particularly for my own enjoyment. Further contributions from others are more than welcome.

Negele "The Breadmaker" Knight

*Taken straight off the back of his Topps basketball card

Height: 6'1"
Weight: 182 lbs.
Born: 3/7/67
College: Dayton

The Buzz
Per minute, Knight ranked in the top 10% of the Nba in AST...Started 6 games in his first 2 seasons, then 35 when Kevin Johnson was injured, had a 19-AST game 4-5-91.

Personal:
-Earned a degree in health education from Dayton
-Enjoys listening jazz and watching movies

Things that everyone buys but nobody uses segment

The Bread Maker
Back in the mid-nineties you couldn't receive a gift without getting at least one bread maker. In fact so many people got bread makers as gifts that it was the number one returned item in '94. People went crazy for bread makers back then. I guess the idea of making your own bread was a thought that the American people loved. Once they got it though they has a rude awakening, long baking times and often, not that great of bread. Americans have no patience so waiting for bread for 5 hours isn't their kind of idea for fun. Eventually everyone decided to just ditch the bread makers and store them in their attics or basements.

*The best part of that photo is the fact that none of that bread was made with that bread maker.
*The "Breadmaker" was also the nickname of an obscure 90's NBA player by the name of Negele Knight (no picture needed) or maybe....

The 1987 Crystal Light National Aerobic Championship

The 1987 Dance Aerobics Championship - Watch more Funny Videos

Great Way to stay in shape.....if you have a spare audience.
Things I got from watching this video
-Aerobics definitely peaked in the 80's
-They had aerobic "clubs"?
-Is that the guy from Growing Pains?

Putting Flies to Good use

A company in Germany decided what way to better advertise then to advertise on flies. They attached lightweight paper advertising and let the flies loose.


This has got to be one of the best ideas ever. Flies in themselves are nothing and annoying but add advertising to them and they because the greatest billboard ever.

This is why I love the 70's

Its long been a dream of mine to be on Soul Train. There is nothing like a good dance line to set a party over the top. So many good dancers and overall just a bunch of cool people. Just once in my life I want to go to a party that has one.

The People In College

The Girl Who Somehow Talks About Her boyfriend When She Answers a Question in Class.
I have one in every class that I have taken. Some how, some way she incorporates her boyfriend in her answer. It's ether her and her boyfriend do this, or her boyfriend does that. I really can't stand it, there is no reason we need to know you have a boyfriend. I mean congrats you found someone to procreate with. It has never ceased to amaze me that she could somehow bring in her boyfriend in any conversation. If she had a super power it would be the ability to bring her boyfriend up in any conversation even if it was about the current political climate in Morocco.

*That picture isn't the best representation, after about 15 minutes i gave up and settled on that picture.

News to Whom?

For those of you who are not acquainted, LeBron James is a professional basketball player, and Braylon Edwards is a professional football player, both of whom play on teams in Cleveland.

And if you visit sports news sites with any regularity, you are more than likely familiar with the latest story to headline the sports world: James and Edwards are currently engaged in an off court altercation. This story was displayed prominently on all main sports media outlet sites today, including ESPN.com, Foxsports.com, and SportsIllustrated.com.

The problem I have, however, is this: this shouldn't be headline sports news. I understand that "sports are a business" now and thus players' off the court infractions have everything to do with professional sports, but I want to point out that we have reached a point of absurdity.

One of these players is really good at basketball, and one is relatively decent at football, and I want to hear news about them when they are actually playing, that's all. Addressing these side stories with such emphasis only furthers the celebrity/entertainment world that has made professional sports so controversial.

And, as an exercise, in order to prove how inconsequential this headline "news" is, I have decided to place the ESPN.com article in this blog with one alteration: I will be replacing every specific reference to Lebron James and Braylon Edwards with references of Patrick, myself, and a friend of ours. Reading it from this perspective will hopefully bring to light my sentiments as well as some humor. Enjoy.

Note: Due to length concerns, I have omitted portions of the article that would have seemed either nonsensical or trivial in light of the switched references. The authenticity has not been compromised.

Bullock allegedly hit Jimmy's friend

BEREA, Ohio -- Patrick Bullock allegedly took a swing at someone much smaller but with a towering, more famous friend: Jimmy Hennessy.

And Jimmy isn't happy about it.

Hennessy called Bullock "childish" for allegedly punching his friend early Monday morning following an argument outside a Cleveland night club. Hennessy said Bullock punched his friend, Chris Daschel, a promoter who was working outside the club around 2:30 a.m. EDT.

"I've never crossed paths with Patrick before, but it seems like there's a little jealousy going on with Patrick and me and my friends. I have no idea why," a protective and perturbed Hennessy said. "I've never said anything to Patrick at all. But for him to do that is very childish. My friend is 130 pounds. Seriously. It's like hitting one of my kids. It doesn't make sense."

Bullock was not available for comment Monday, but he did post a message on his Twitter account, offering praise to Hennessy

"I have no issue with Jimmy," Bullock tweeted. "I respect and admire him."
Hennessy said he was home when the alleged fight occurred, but got a call from Daschel telling him about it at 7 a.m. Monday.

"The situation is very sensitive right now, but it's unfortunate that it happened," Hennessy said. "Hopefully my friend is doing well."

According to a police incident report, Daschel accused an unidentified man of punching him in the face following an argument at approximately 2:30 a.m. Daschel, who is listed as 5-foot-7, 135 pounds on the report, said Bullock hit him with a closed fist. He told police he suffered a black eye and cut and was treated at a hospital.

Bullock's name did not appear on the report. He was not arrested and there are no charges pending against him.

Bullock went to View Ultralounge & Nightclub, a downtown hot spot located near Quicken Loans Arena. Daschel told the newspaper's Web site that he was outside greeting people when Bullock approached him.

"Patrick comes up and started saying things, degrading me," Daschel said. "He said if it wasn't for Jimmy, I wouldn't have what I have, nor would I be able to get girls. Everyone knows Patrick has a problem with Jimmy."

"I had to speak up for myself. The conversation started to escalate. As some of his teammates started to pull him back, he punched me. As long as I've known Patrick, I've allowed him and his friends to come into our events free of charge. Whatever jealousy he has with Jimmy, he felt he needed to take it out on me."

Doppleganger

Patrick, I can't remember if we've ever talked about this or not, but were you in ABBA?

Bike Dancing

Bike Dancing has been around a very long time. Not long after the bike was invented people started to dance with the bike and later competing against other people who danced with their bikes. Since the 1980s there has been a world competition where the best bike dancers from each country come to compete against each other to see who is the best. This years competition was held in Munich, Germany. The European countries have long dominated the sport especially Germany and France. What is surprising though is that I have found out that the U.S. has not fielded a team for 7 years. I thought to myself this is my chance to get into the Olympics and get a gold medal finally. Although not an Olympic sport, is should and will be soon. My partner in the blog Jimmy just got a new bike, and I can also borrow my sisters so I thought we should naturally team up in the pairs competition. We will begin training immediately and not stop until we atleast place in the top 30. Here is a video of what it is.

Things that everyone buys but nobody uses segment

The Coin Sorter
If there was a product to define this segment the coin sorter would have to be it. Very popular during the 90's almost everyone I knew bought one of these including our family. If was a novel idea to sort and know how much money you had laying around your house and car. Problem with these things is that you couldn't put more than one coin in a time, so if you had a lot of change you would have to wait for every coin to go through. They were also notoriously cheap and broke down after awhile. Another problem with it is that we only used ours maybe twice without getting the results that we were expecting to get. You had to buy these paper wrappers for the coins and had to close them in a special way. If you look in your closet I am sure you will be able to find a coin sorter in the back of it.

Off With the King

Okay, I'm not the first to say it, but I definitely believe I am one of the first of many to come: LeBron James is an idiot.

The King has been fortunate to be immune of the hatreds stored for many of the league's brightest stars (Kobe, Shaq etc). But this reign is slipping and will soon fall. And most surprisingly, it will start in his home state of Ohio.

Amongst some questionable moves to kick off this NBA offseason, (the failure to shake hands with the victorious Magic in the Eastern Conference Finals, the "Nikegate" confiscation of dunk tapes etc.) the latest and probably most offensive is his decision to not consider negotiations for a contract extension in Cleveland until next season.

At an event in his hometown to unveil Nike Air Max LeBron VII, the latest sneaker in his signature line, James made his strongest comments yet about his future. The NBA's reigning MVP said he signed a three-year contract in 2006 to give him more options once it expires.

This move will drown the Cavs. I know it probably seems like a great business move and he has every right to do so and whatever else you want to argue, but LeBron's decision to wait and see if the team is good enough for him is the quintessential selfish act that represents everything I loathe about professional sports.

After watching a superstar sign long term with the Portland Trailblazers this summer, eager to win a Championship from scratch, I am so thankful that I have Brandon Roy instead of LeBron James. There is no way LeBron stays in Portland through the 2010 offseason.

LeBron James came into the league as a nice, well spoken kid with a lot of hype to live up to. Since winning his first MVP this past season however, I believe that his motives are evolving.

LeBron needs attention so much that he wants to see just how much other teams will actually pay to have him play for them.

He wants to wait a year to watch as teams forgo this season and instead scheme plans to offer James a gigantic contract in a down economy.

And if I lived in Cleveland, I would be pissed. If the Cavalier front office spends this year sweating and planning on how to keep their franchise player and fail, they will hit rock bottom so quickly as a franchise that the owners will consider relocation.

To have LeBron James resign with the Cavs this summer so the entire organization can focus on winning a championship instead of his contract might be an unreasonable expectation, but not to me. LeBron has shown that he can basically do whatever he wants on and off the court, so why not accept the $17 million(!!!!!) option for next year and quit acting like you are "making the right business decision."

I am calling LeBron out, and soon you will too. Off with the king.

Kevin Everest............er some black guy

We all remember the story of Kevin Everest the Buffalo Bills Tight end who was paralyzed. This video combines two of my favorite things, local news and funny videos here it goes......

Sports Trading Cards

I recently read an article by Bill Simmons the Sports Guy, about his trip to a memorabilia convention. It reminded me of when i was young and used to collect sports trading cards like no other, that was back when i used to go to the store with my mom just to see if i could get her to buy me a pack in the check out lines. So i thought to my self i am going to make a purchase of one old (probably on ebay) and one new set of basketball cards and see what i get and shamelessly promote the most obscure players that i get from the two packs.

The Andre Miller signing

After a difficult off season the Trail Blazers finally singed Andre Miller to a 3 year worth 21 million dollars with a team option for the third year. Now at first i really didn't like the deal mostly because i have never been a fan of Andre Miller's game. Add on top of that Andre is already 33 and likely on a steady production line, like most point guards who hit their 30's.Then i started to think that his game couldn't be as bad and we still have Steve Blake. If you even stick him on the second unit and let him run with some of the "younger" and more athletic guys on the team it might actually make the second unit even better than it was last year. The less dependence we have on Brandon Roy i think the better, we can save some of his legs for the playoffs. Lastly and the most important he has a team option for year number 3.



*I just love the photo because it includes Micheal Doleac.

Local News, too much time on their hands

Normal news cast you see it all the time. They report on cougars, bears, and coyotes all the time. I don't know if this guy had too much time on his hands or tried to win a local emmy of something. Here is the video.




"This is how the bear probably looked, if it was real."
No need to recreate how a bears escaped we know it runs away

Tech Help

If you are wondering why the 29th Ammendment seems to be leaning to the right (physically speaking), I think we have some explaining to do.

I am having trouble with the pictures on the blog. Pat, I am unsure if you are as well, so feel free to interrupt me at any point.

If you'll notice there isn't much real estate to work with on blogger.com. And I love pictures. But the options are limited on the site, so I routinely just try to stow them on the right side because it seems like there are always formatting errors whenever I try something remotely fancy. This is frustrating for me.

And then they are always too big, even if I choose the small format. The first time I put a picture up (see Propaganda posters), I was able to click and drag size it. This is not the case anymore.

So today I tried to put a picture up of Clarence Weatherspoon. It was gigantic and diluted my words, so I tried again. The next time it didn't even show up, and I haven't been able to add a picture since.

This image scandal is number one on my priority list right now. If any closet readers exist out there, this is the time to reveal yourself and offer some advice.

Is this the most professional way I could have gone about this? Probably not, but if 29th has any inclination to get some publicity, I think its better we sort this out now.