News to Whom?

For those of you who are not acquainted, LeBron James is a professional basketball player, and Braylon Edwards is a professional football player, both of whom play on teams in Cleveland.

And if you visit sports news sites with any regularity, you are more than likely familiar with the latest story to headline the sports world: James and Edwards are currently engaged in an off court altercation. This story was displayed prominently on all main sports media outlet sites today, including ESPN.com, Foxsports.com, and SportsIllustrated.com.

The problem I have, however, is this: this shouldn't be headline sports news. I understand that "sports are a business" now and thus players' off the court infractions have everything to do with professional sports, but I want to point out that we have reached a point of absurdity.

One of these players is really good at basketball, and one is relatively decent at football, and I want to hear news about them when they are actually playing, that's all. Addressing these side stories with such emphasis only furthers the celebrity/entertainment world that has made professional sports so controversial.

And, as an exercise, in order to prove how inconsequential this headline "news" is, I have decided to place the ESPN.com article in this blog with one alteration: I will be replacing every specific reference to Lebron James and Braylon Edwards with references of Patrick, myself, and a friend of ours. Reading it from this perspective will hopefully bring to light my sentiments as well as some humor. Enjoy.

Note: Due to length concerns, I have omitted portions of the article that would have seemed either nonsensical or trivial in light of the switched references. The authenticity has not been compromised.

Bullock allegedly hit Jimmy's friend

BEREA, Ohio -- Patrick Bullock allegedly took a swing at someone much smaller but with a towering, more famous friend: Jimmy Hennessy.

And Jimmy isn't happy about it.

Hennessy called Bullock "childish" for allegedly punching his friend early Monday morning following an argument outside a Cleveland night club. Hennessy said Bullock punched his friend, Chris Daschel, a promoter who was working outside the club around 2:30 a.m. EDT.

"I've never crossed paths with Patrick before, but it seems like there's a little jealousy going on with Patrick and me and my friends. I have no idea why," a protective and perturbed Hennessy said. "I've never said anything to Patrick at all. But for him to do that is very childish. My friend is 130 pounds. Seriously. It's like hitting one of my kids. It doesn't make sense."

Bullock was not available for comment Monday, but he did post a message on his Twitter account, offering praise to Hennessy

"I have no issue with Jimmy," Bullock tweeted. "I respect and admire him."
Hennessy said he was home when the alleged fight occurred, but got a call from Daschel telling him about it at 7 a.m. Monday.

"The situation is very sensitive right now, but it's unfortunate that it happened," Hennessy said. "Hopefully my friend is doing well."

According to a police incident report, Daschel accused an unidentified man of punching him in the face following an argument at approximately 2:30 a.m. Daschel, who is listed as 5-foot-7, 135 pounds on the report, said Bullock hit him with a closed fist. He told police he suffered a black eye and cut and was treated at a hospital.

Bullock's name did not appear on the report. He was not arrested and there are no charges pending against him.

Bullock went to View Ultralounge & Nightclub, a downtown hot spot located near Quicken Loans Arena. Daschel told the newspaper's Web site that he was outside greeting people when Bullock approached him.

"Patrick comes up and started saying things, degrading me," Daschel said. "He said if it wasn't for Jimmy, I wouldn't have what I have, nor would I be able to get girls. Everyone knows Patrick has a problem with Jimmy."

"I had to speak up for myself. The conversation started to escalate. As some of his teammates started to pull him back, he punched me. As long as I've known Patrick, I've allowed him and his friends to come into our events free of charge. Whatever jealousy he has with Jimmy, he felt he needed to take it out on me."