NBA Fantasy Basketball - Lockout addition

Right now I would be knee deep into my first week of fantasy basketball. Instead of wondering if any of my late round sleeper picks would make I have to hear how millionaires and billionaires are squabbling over 97 millions dollars split between all the players and owners. In these times of economic certainty you wonder if anyone cares about the fans any more.

One thing I don't get is the player representation why not leave it up to professionals to handle the deals? Derek Fisher doesn't have a law degree and even if he did he doesn't practice law or union contracts. Why not leave it up to Billy Hunter to do the real work. At least he has a law degree. I hope the NBA loses fans over this, both sides look like jackasses. I might have to switch my favorite sport to watch to mls.

Jose Lima Memorial Week 22 Power Rankings

With 22 weeks gone in the season, I couldn't think of a better time to unveil the inaugural power rankings. This has been a season with relatively even talent distribution, and by my estimation, six teams with enough firepower to take home the grand prize. Lets jump into the rankings:

1) NEFERTITI: Indians acquire Brandon Phillips, Cliff Lee, Grady Sizemore from the Expos in exchange for Bartolo Colon. This is the type of lopsided trade that pops into mind when you think of the two heists Nefertiti has pulled off. They put the slow start behind them and haven’t looked back, going 7-3 since the deals revamped the roster.

2) CACH: Sporting a murderers row of bats, can CACH win a championship with a pitching staff as mediocre as the Chicago White Sox?

3) THE SWEATYKNUCKLESBALLS: Everyone knows the age old adage: Defense and pitching win championships. Defense is of no use to us, but a good pitching staff is arguably the difference between contender and pretender. Even with a mediocre, revolving door of castoffs (Pujols excluded), the Knuckleballs continue to edge the opposition behind the strength of the Braves pitching.

4) CARL EVERETT: Matt Kemp and Curtis Granderson. The two highest individual point totals. Do we need elaboration?

5) COMMIE CAUSERS: With half of the Commies consisting of Milwaukie Brewers, this team ebbs and flows match that of the MLB Club. The Brewers are hot right now, and not surprisingly, so are the Commies.

6) FUZZ NUTS: Hambone, Jose Bautista, and Ellsbury lead this snakebitten group. Having the 4^th highest amount of team points, FuzzNuts also has the 4^th worst record in the league. Still only 13 points back in the wild card, the Nuts won’t quit till the fat lady sings.

7) WIZARDS OF AHHS: Inconsistency and injuries have derailed what was once a promising campaign. Basically out of the race for a division championship, the Ahhhs have some serious work to do if they wish to make up a 98 point deficit to Nefertiti in the wild card.

8) SF GIANTS: KINGS OF MLB: A solid cast of guys. Problem is half of them occupy the dugout during the fantasy week. As commissioner, I am very disappointed in you Arny.

9) SEATTLE BADGERS: There are miracles, and then there is the Seattle Badgers sitting two games out of first. How did we get to this point?? Combine the worst team name by a mile with a pathetic crew (Votto excluded), and it adds up to the commish having a personal vendetta. Just think David Stern and Seattle. Your days are numbered Badgers…

10) SMOAK ON THIS: When healthy, Smoaky can do some damage. Besides a few weeks of the season, that never happened.

11) SHMEDVIG: Although trying to be the worst team by trading away any professional talent for cents on the dollar….they’re not dead last.

12) SET BONDS FREE: In week 12, a ruthless pillow fight was had for the right to dwell in the depths of Jose Lima’s grave. Shmedvig narrowly beat Bonds 204-203. Although the BCS wouldn’t agree, head to head matchups matter. One lopsided trade and a continued negligence of Andre Either has landed Bonds B. Free in this coveted spot. Congrats!

Jose Lima Memorial

Week 20 Updates and Awards

A very smooth transition from Jimmy Hennessy to Chris Daschel as League Commissioner has lead to one of the most interesting fantasy baseball leagues in recent memory. Where a team SHMEDVIG has given up on the season and seemingly given up all of his quality players for literally nothing, not even future considerations. The beneficiaries of this collapse of management have been Nefertiti, Wizards of Ahhs, and the Commie Causers . Although all three are are out of first place.

Standings (As of 8/14/2011)

East
Carl Everett 13-5
CACH 12-6
Wizards of Ahhhs 10-8
Seattle Badgers 10-8
Nefertiti 9-9
Smoak on This 5-13

West
The Sweatyknuckleballs 12-6
SF Giants: Kings of MLB 9-9
FuzzNuts 8-10
Commie Causers 8-10
Set Bonds Free 7-11
SHMEDVIG 5-13


Early Season Awards

The Brendan Fraser Award for Giving Up on a Good Team: SHMEDVIG
Traded all his good players for nothing not even for future draft picks.


Doc Rivers Award for Falling Into the Right situation: TheSweatyKuckleBalls
Who knew the pitching staff of the Atlanta Braves and an outfield of Kansas City Royals would lead him to a first place position in the Western Division standings.

Urban Shocker Award for Best Fantasy Name: Cach
So simple yet so effective, like condoms.

Yuniesky Betancourt Round-Up (Vol. 1)

As Week 8 comes to a close, it appears that this year's inaugural edition of Yuniesky Betancourt Round-Up is a bit overdue. 2010 seems to already be a bit more competitive than 2009, and I'm not just saying this because my team has already eclipsed its win total from last year. Think what you will.

As there was no Introductory briefing, I will also take this opportunity to introduce each team and its manager.

East Division

Sir Tinley the Great (Danny) 4-3
Khaki Robinson (Jimmy- Commissioner) 4-3
Nafletes (Dusty) 4-3
Time to Mo Vaughn (Patrick) 3-4
Kinsler's List (I actually have no idea who this is, but we have collaborated on some good trades) 3-4
Rodriguez Roiders (Arny) 1-6

West Division

Gutless Arny (Cach) 5-2
Pumping Gas for Cach (Burke) 5-2
Waiting for Fairley (O'Brien) 5-2
We Were Promised Jet Packs (Daschel) 5-2
Ichiroooo (Lowry) 2-5
Sponsors Needed (Wirth) 1-6

Early Season Awards:

Lamar Odom Award for Wasted Talent: Sponsors Needed.
In almost every aspect, Sponsors Needed has performed like a quality franchise. Except in the standings, however, which coincidentally are the most important. Sponsors is in the points hunt but has only managed to win a one matchup and currently sits in dead last of the West Division. Hats off to you for hanging in there, sometimes this sort of stuff just happens.

Bob Whitsitt Award for Worst Trade of the Year: Khaki Robinson.
Alex Gonzalez was off to a great start, so what did Khaki do? Traded for (what was conceived to be a great pickup at the time) Carlos Pena. Unfortunately, Carlos Pena only collected a total of 2 hits (2 HITS!!!) within the first four weeks of his tenure for Khaki Robinson and, to make matters worse, was outplayed by Lance Berkman, the first baseman Pena was originally intended to replace.

Neil Collins Award for Least Efficient Use of Bench Space: Gutless Arny.
Carlos Delgado's career has been deemed unsalvageable by all 30 MLB teams after an injury ridden 2009 campaign. Consequently he has yet to prove that he is worthy of a big league roster spot in 2010. Apparently he proved himself worthy for Gutless Arny however. Gutless held on to the aging slugger until week 6 despite Delgado's not having played a single game. Week 6 people. To give Gutless the benefit of the doubt, maybe he assumed that having an open calendar was a point category in this league? Gutless Arny finally parted ways with the aging slugger, but you still have to wonder why it took so long. Who's next Gutless, Babe Ruth?

I will end this column with the admission of two truths, both of which I am completely aware of: Not everyone in this league even remembers their password, and of those who do, few, if any, will read this round-up. To that I will say that this column is particularly for my own enjoyment. Further contributions from others are more than welcome.

Negele "The Breadmaker" Knight

*Taken straight off the back of his Topps basketball card

Height: 6'1"
Weight: 182 lbs.
Born: 3/7/67
College: Dayton

The Buzz
Per minute, Knight ranked in the top 10% of the Nba in AST...Started 6 games in his first 2 seasons, then 35 when Kevin Johnson was injured, had a 19-AST game 4-5-91.

Personal:
-Earned a degree in health education from Dayton
-Enjoys listening jazz and watching movies

Things that everyone buys but nobody uses segment

The Bread Maker
Back in the mid-nineties you couldn't receive a gift without getting at least one bread maker. In fact so many people got bread makers as gifts that it was the number one returned item in '94. People went crazy for bread makers back then. I guess the idea of making your own bread was a thought that the American people loved. Once they got it though they has a rude awakening, long baking times and often, not that great of bread. Americans have no patience so waiting for bread for 5 hours isn't their kind of idea for fun. Eventually everyone decided to just ditch the bread makers and store them in their attics or basements.

*The best part of that photo is the fact that none of that bread was made with that bread maker.
*The "Breadmaker" was also the nickname of an obscure 90's NBA player by the name of Negele Knight (no picture needed) or maybe....

The 1987 Crystal Light National Aerobic Championship

The 1987 Dance Aerobics Championship - Watch more Funny Videos

Great Way to stay in shape.....if you have a spare audience.
Things I got from watching this video
-Aerobics definitely peaked in the 80's
-They had aerobic "clubs"?
-Is that the guy from Growing Pains?