Saturday, May 29, 2010

Yuniesky Betancourt Round-Up (Vol. 1)


As Week 8 comes to a close, it appears that this year's inaugural edition of Yuniesky Betancourt Round-Up is a bit overdue. 2010 seems to already be a bit more competitive than 2009, and I'm not just saying this because my team has already eclipsed its win total from last year. Think what you will.

As there was no Introductory briefing, I will also take this opportunity to introduce each team and its manager.

East Division

Sir Tinley the Great (Danny) 4-3
Khaki Robinson (Jimmy- Commissioner) 4-3
Nafletes (Dusty) 4-3
Time to Mo Vaughn (Patrick) 3-4
Kinsler's List (I actually have no idea who this is, but we have collaborated on some good trades) 3-4
Rodriguez Roiders (Arny) 1-6

West Division

Gutless Arny (Cach) 5-2
Pumping Gas for Cach (Burke) 5-2
Waiting for Fairley (O'Brien) 5-2
We Were Promised Jet Packs (Daschel) 5-2
Ichiroooo (Lowry) 2-5
Sponsors Needed (Wirth) 1-6

Early Season Awards:

Lamar Odom Award for Wasted Talent: Sponsors Needed.
In almost every aspect, Sponsors Needed has performed like a quality franchise. Except in the standings, however, which coincidentally are the most important. Sponsors is in the points hunt but has only managed to win a one matchup and currently sits in dead last of the West Division. Hats off to you for hanging in there, sometimes this sort of stuff just happens.

Bob Whitsitt Award for Worst Trade of the Year: Khaki Robinson.
Alex Gonzalez was off to a great start, so what did Khaki do? Traded for (what was conceived to be a great pickup at the time) Carlos Pena. Unfortunately, Carlos Pena only collected a total of 2 hits (2 HITS!!!) within the first four weeks of his tenure for Khaki Robinson and, to make matters worse, was outplayed by Lance Berkman, the first baseman Pena was originally intended to replace.

Neil Collins Award for Least Efficient Use of Bench Space: Gutless Arny.
Carlos Delgado's career has been deemed unsalvageable by all 30 MLB teams after an injury ridden 2009 campaign. Consequently he has yet to prove that he is worthy of a big league roster spot in 2010. Apparently he proved himself worthy for Gutless Arny however. Gutless held on to the aging slugger until week 6 despite Delgado's not having played a single game. Week 6 people. To give Gutless the benefit of the doubt, maybe he assumed that having an open calendar was a point category in this league? Gutless Arny finally parted ways with the aging slugger, but you still have to wonder why it took so long. Who's next Gutless, Babe Ruth?

I will end this column with the admission of two truths, both of which I am completely aware of: Not everyone in this league even remembers their password, and of those who do, few, if any, will read this round-up. To that I will say that this column is particularly for my own enjoyment. Further contributions from others are more than welcome.

Sunday, January 31, 2010

Negele "The Breadmaker" Knight


*Taken straight off the back of his Topps basketball card

Height: 6'1"
Weight: 182 lbs.
Born: 3/7/67
College: Dayton

The Buzz
Per minute, Knight ranked in the top 10% of the Nba in AST...Started 6 games in his first 2 seasons, then 35 when Kevin Johnson was injured, had a 19-AST game 4-5-91.

Personal:
-Earned a degree in health education from Dayton
-Enjoys listening jazz and watching movies

Friday, January 29, 2010

Things that everyone buys but nobody uses segment


The Bread Maker
Back in the mid-nineties you couldn't receive a gift without getting at least one bread maker. In fact so many people got bread makers as gifts that it was the number one returned item in '94. People went crazy for bread makers back then. I guess the idea of making your own bread was a thought that the American people loved. Once they got it though they has a rude awakening, long baking times and often, not that great of bread. Americans have no patience so waiting for bread for 5 hours isn't their kind of idea for fun. Eventually everyone decided to just ditch the bread makers and store them in their attics or basements.

*The best part of that photo is the fact that none of that bread was made with that bread maker.
*The "Breadmaker" was also the nickname of an obscure 90's NBA player by the name of Negele Knight (no picture needed) or maybe....